formula hopping

plastic bottles 

I had hoped to exclusively breastfeed Hayley until she was about 1 year old, but already I have failed in that goal. Due to a combination of going back to work with limited times to get away and breast pump and Hayley’s increased appetite, I was forced to supplement with formula. I know many people advise that to supplement with formula is the surest way to decrease you breast milk supply. But its kind the chicken and the egg thing with me, I’m not sure which came first. Truthfully I had been a bit suspicious of my milk supply for some time. When Hayley was younger and she required about 3 oz a feeding my breast were barely keeping up with that demand. As her demand increased, my breast milk supply didn’t. More and more Hayley would fight on the breast, or continuously latch off. Other times when she did latch on well she would breast feed on one breast for like an hour! Breastfeeding was becoming frustrating and exhausting, but I was determined to keep my goal. This past weekend, all of my husband’s family came to see Hayley for the first time. His parents and his sister with her husband and two children stayed with us. It was a hectic weekend; we were planning a party after Hayley’s christening on Sunday. The weekend was filled or errands and discussion about what kind of plates to serve the food on (plastic vs. “real” plates), and what kind of desserts to have (just cake or cake and something else), and sorts of things like that. I didn’t have time for Hayley to breast feed at an hour at a time, and with a house full of people I would have to seclude myself away in the nursery when I did feed her. I never could get used to the whole breast feeding in public thing, and my in-laws are from India and very modest. I just couldn’t see myself breast feeding Hayley while I discussed plates with my father-in-law, even with a blanket draped over me. I really didn’t feel I had the time to breast pump either, except maybe at the end of the day when all the errands that could be done were done. So I fed Hayley bottles of formula, and now I think I screwed myself for sure. I pump today at work and I get drops. I have f ailed as a mother. I can’t even provide breast milk for my growing baby. I suck at this.

What’s more I suck at formula feeding too. When I first started to supplement about 7-8 weeks ago, I had her on Similac advanced, because that was what the hospital had given me to give her. At the time they wanted me to supplement with formula until my milk came in to feed Hayley more so she would clear elevated bilirubin levels faster; she was a little jaundice. But my milk came in within a couple of days and I shunned the formula back then. I also had gotten a free trail size in the mail, along with a trial size of Nestle Good Start and Enfamil. Hayley took to the Similac with no problem, so my husband and I decided we would just keep her on that, until we ran out of the trial size and we went to buy some at Giant. Whoa! It ain’t cheap. But we sucked it up and bought a can, with the hope that I would increase my milk supply with more pumpings, and drinking more water. Well we ran out of the bought can of Similac pretty fast too, so fast that I ran out before I planned, so instead of running out to Giant to buy more, I used the Similac soy formula that also came with the trial size of the regular Similac,. The Similac soy is supposed to be for gassier, fussier babies. “Hayley is pretty gassy” I thought “If anything this would be better for her”. The soy formula smelled awful. It reminded of this baby bird food I bought to feed this baby swallow I found in my parking garage when my husband I were living in apartment. It had fallen from its nest that the swallows made in the rafters of the garage. I tried to keep it alive until it good fly off on its own. It lasted about 3 days, until I went on our patio and found it dead. Anyway, Hayley drank down the Similac soy like no tomorrow as well, and I was going to keep Hayley on it until my husband worried that it might make her lactose intolerant, so we bought a another can of regular Similac, and once again I ran out unexpectedly. I kept hoping I would get more breast milk and my need for the formula would decrease. “Try the Nestle Good Start” my husband said” I hear that suppose to be good and we have the free can”. From the Nestle Good Start, we went to the free Enfamil trial. Hayley drank all down like a trooper. So much for my goal of just finding one that she likes and sticking to it, so as not upset her stomach. The rationale behind going to Enfamil was we discovered we could buy big cans of it at Costco. It still wasn’t cheap. The big can of Enfamil lasted about a week, including this weekend of exclusive formula, so yesterday I was off to Costco again, to get more Enfamil. Next to the Enfamil was Kirkland formula it was about a third cheaper than the Enfamil. It even compared itself to Enfamil as far as nutrients and it seemed about the same. Frankly they all seem about the same; they all have DHA and ARA and claim to be just like breast milk. So being the bad mom that I am, I bought the cheap formula. Today during Hayley’s fourth month check with the pediatrician, I casually asked, “So are the formulas really all that different, I mean they all seem to be comparable nutrient wise, as far as could tell, but is there any one that you recommend?” “Well, I think the only one I would really avoid is the generic Costco formula.” He said. “My face dropped. Hayley was already on the generic Costco Kirkland formula for a few feedings now. When I told the pediatrician that this he clarified with “Anything out there today is probably a thousand times better than the formula we had as kids, but I just wonder about the quality control with some of those more generic ones. It’s probably okay for this one time, but when it’s done I would go back to a name brand.” The formula hopping continues, looks like next week it’s back to Enfamil. Come on breast milk perk up!