Wednesday, April 13, 2005

lost mind lost keys

I think the more stuff you have to think about the greater the potential is to lose your mind. And as you get older the number of things that you can be thinking about at any given moment before your mind shuts down completely decreases dramatically. The number one victim in all of this: car keys.

Yesterday my husband and I took his car to the dealer to have a paint chip repaired; it’s a small thing but it been bugging him for sometime. It was a simple enough operation, getting the car there, I mean. I dropped Hayley off with the nanny (we nanny share with a couple about 5 minutes from our house; this month the nanny keeps the children at their house), then I swung back home where my husband was waiting in his car, and off we went to the dealer about 10 minutes away. After he made the arrangement to have his car repaired he got in my car, drove me to work and continued on his way to his work. All was well…until this morning, when we are rushing around, late again to drop Hayley off with the nanny, and gathering up our various crap, I mention “ Oh yeah babe you have my car key.” “No I don’t”, he responded. “Yes you do”, I said firmly and I proceeded to explain that I had used my car key of course to drive Hayley to the nanny and when we switched as drivers at the dealership we didn’t switch keys, so logically he had my key. He refused to accept this. My husband is a stubborn man. He claimed he didn’t have my key and he has no idea where it could be. “So you lost it!” I said raising my voice. Okay I yelled. I yelled right there in the foyer of our town house with Hayley waiting patiently in the car seat only 2 feet from us and this argument. Later in the car my husband brought this up, and I responded “She is way too young to remember any of this anyway.” But in truth I felt bad. I felt guilty. I had vowed that I would never have a screaming match like this with my husband in front of my children. The fact that it was a screaming match was a bit rare for us all together. Usually I’m the one with the great tendency to scream and my husband is really opposed to screaming, so over the years I have tried to keep my tantrums to a minimum. But today he was screaming right back, which is something he has never really done. I think his mind is going too.

It’s only Wednesday and it hasn’t been a great week. It’s hard to explain but it just seems karmically things are off. Just a lot of little things going wrong, but it’s during a time when we have so much to do. Hayley’s christening is this upcoming weekend, and my husband’s family is coming down from Canada to stay with us. His parents and his sister with her husband and their two children who are 4 and 10 months. Of course I want the house to be perfect, and I want Hayley’s christening to be perfect. But of course this week Hayley chooses to be her most absolute fussiness in the evenings, leaving me no time to get all the laundry done, or figure out how I’m going to bake a cake for the party to follow, or to de-clutter our house or the growing lists of trivial things that I feel compelled to do before they arrive, like hang pictures in the hallway, or painting Hayley's diaper genie to match the jungle theme of her room. Stupid stuff I know, which is why I’m losing my mind. But I don’t know why my husband is losing his. Maybe because his family is coming, maybe because he’s finally going to check out this MBA program tomorrow, I don’t know. Maybe we got into this screaming match because with everything we got going on we had a housekeeper (who we used before) coming in today to clean our house, and we discovered that we are out of paper towels. She needs paper towels to clean the house. So on top of everything else we had to stop by a grocery store on the way to drop Hayley off with the nanny, and then double back to the house to leave the paper towels for the housekeeper. Something that was suppose save time for us, was making us late for work. For me the third day in a row. UGH. Plus we have to leave early to get my husbands car from the dealer. DOUBLE UGH, which, to give an example of how karmically off things are for us this week, should have been completed yesterday afternoon, but they spent the whole morning repairing the paint on the right side of his car- there is nothing wrong with the right side of his car!-the chip was on the left side!

Anyway one of the last things my husband said to me in the car before we stopped speaking completely, was “You better not find the keys in your coat at work!” Consistent with the bad karma thing, when I rushed out to meet him picking me up at work yesterday, I forgot my coat in my office, which had most of my keys in the pocket, my car key I keep separately because it has this big lock/alarm things attached. Horror swept over me…I remembered that while waiting for my husband to make the repair arrangements,I did get out of the car to gather up the trash that had been growing under the seats...did I take out my key and put it in my coat pocket?! With all that I have on my mind it isn’t clear to me now if I left my key in the ignition when I was cleaning the car…

I’ve had this Rob Thomas song in my head for the last day. I was surprised it was a Rob Thomas song because it kinda has this Latin vibe, I think. I saw the video yesterday, and man Rob is looking pretty hot. Anyway I keep singing these four lines...

I don’t want to be lonely no more
I don’t want to have to pay for this
I don’t want to know that lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list
.”

I’m not lonely and I’m not worried about heartache. No the line that spoke to me was “I don’t want to have to pay for this” If my keys were in my coat pocket hanging in my office the whole time. I would really have to pay for that for sure. As soon as my husband dropped me off this morning, I rushed to my office and checked my coat pockets...The key was not there! So it’s still his fault, its missing. But I guess we will never know what happened to my car key, the innocent victim of a bad week.

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